bad trip (’14)

I could’ve sworn I was having a bad trip

It was 8:24am and I was half awake
My coffee was burning my hand through the small paper cup and in my irritated state I looked down and swore I saw his face in the swirls of the cream and sugar
At first I hesitated to drink any further for fear of tasting the bitter absence but I forced it down and continued down the hall

It was 3:17pm and I was as awake as I’d ever be in the day
I had been skimming the words of my book in English class when I thought I felt him staring at me out of the corner of my eye
When I met his gaze I realized it was some other boy and quickly looked away
During my daze the professor had been calling my name and twenty other pairs of unfamiliar eyes were waiting on me

It was 9:45pm and I was half asleep
The window was cracked open above my desk and I could hear the laughter of the people in the courtyard
I could’ve sworn I heard his voice in-between the tapping on my keyboard
I stood up and pressed my face to the window screen and saw the usual kids smoking under the spotlight against the building
With the voice still in my ears I feel sank back in my seat and attempted to refocus

It was 3:56am and I should’ve been asleep
I had been staring at the blank spot in my string of photos
I could feel how insignificant this was to everyone else, to him, to them
There was nothing but my thoughts in these hours, no mistakes or ‘almost’ or ‘maybe’ at this time
My hand was resting on the cold empty space when I realized I had been sleeping since I had left. Awake is wherever he is. I’ll probably be sleeping forever

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